An amazing night

Last night, was amazing, I got to take a bath with Master, and then put on a very sexy lil outfit. A black corset, black lacy thigh high stockings, matching thong and my black and red 8 inch heels. We webcamed for a few hours, he even made me pull the panties off, lay on my back with my thighs spread wide, (blushing 5 shades of red) my pussy as close to the camera as possible as he asked me to finger myself, play with my little clit. The entire evening was amazing and I was sad to see it end.

This morning when we woke up, his voice in my ear, I couldn't help but feel wonderful - until he started talking about some of my limits... we both know that the cane is one of my limits and I have shared with him now why. He understands that I am scared of them, as a child I had one used repeatedly, in rather devastating ways on me and since I have not been able to tolerate them.

Every Male I have ever been with that has been a lifestyler, has known of my fear of the cane. every one of them have threatened to, or have, used it to punish me if I have stepped even the tiniest bit out of line. The mental image of the cane ripping into me as it was forced inside me just before I passed out is more then enough for me to never want it used on me as a punishment.

So you might ask... why on earth would I ever let a cane near me again? Am I insane?! Why not just let it lie stay away from them? As I told Master this morning, because I can't. I won't. My father has been in prison for almost 10 years. During that time I have dedicated a good portion of my life to move past everything he ever put me through. I detest, absolutely hate the fact that after 10 years, he still has the power to terrify me, to make me feel weak and worthless and unloved and unsafe.

Master has promised me that he will help me, that he will work with me and very very slowly, carefully, but most importantly patiently and lovingly help me through it. I might never be able to completely overcome my fear of canes, I may not ever truly enjoy their use, but I will over come my terror of them . I will be able to handle the sight of them. With Masters help I know I can do it. With his help ... maybe... just maybe... I can be safe again. Prison might keep my father away from my body, but my mind? Bars don't do much to help there... lets hope I can help myself.

I have never met anyone like him. Anyone who has made me feel happy, and safe, and loved and... wanted.... There is something about him that simply makes me feel as if nothing horrible is ever going to get me again... it's been a long time since I haven't believed the "monster under the bed was real" and I
doubt I'll ever think he isn't, but he makes me feel as if it just cant get to me, isn't going to climb out and eat me... I don't know what I'd do without him in my life, especially with all the horrible things going on. I don't know how, or when it happened, but the idea of not having him now scares the hell out of me.