Dreams dreams lots of dreams
The last few weeks have been one horrific drama after another, from EX drama to my father excaping his cage to accounts being hacked... it's amazing i haven't had a complete breakdown and become a total nervous wreck.
My nightmears have gotten worse, absolutely horribly bad. but at thesame time i have been having some extremely sexy, completely over the top dreams that leave me awake and panting and so soaking wet i sware i have to get up and make sure my bedding doesn't need a change!
my new favorit recurring dream starts with me waking up, snuggled in a nice big warm fluffy bed, i cant help but wonder where the children are... shouldn't they be awake by now? hmmm...
as i climb out of bed, i see the most delightful outfit spread out over the foot of the bed, a black under bust corset, a pair of thigh high fishnet stockings and garders with a silk black robe... next to them, folded neatly is a note that says simply.. "put it on... M"
Quickly as possible, considering it's always so much fun to have to try and lace a corset all by myself, it takes a little time, but stepping infront of the mirror i can't help but think taking the time to do it, as well as run a brush through my hair is well worth it.
heading for the door, i find a ball gag and a blind fold hanging on the knob and a note saying "put them on, and find your way to the playroom." unsure about the idea of wondering about blind folded I hesitate for only a moment before sliding the gag into place along with the blindfold and stepping out the door.
The second the door closes behind me i know i am not alone, suddenly his fingers tangle in my hair, yanking me backward aginst him, his hands cupping over my breast, teasing first one nipple to harness then the other before yanking harshly downward, forcing me to my knees before begining to drag me down the hall. i know where we are going, and struggle to follow swiftly along behind him.
Once we turn into the room, a shiver racing through me as i hear the door slam behind me, he yanks me to my feet, guiding me forward. after a few steps he pulls me to a stop, my whimpers and yelps completely muffled behind the gag as he kicks my feet apart, forcing my legs wide. I can hear him moving about, but i have no idea what he is doing. I know better then to move, he put me here for a reason.
Suddenly i feel something raise up between my legs, something hard.. solid and cold. it comes up hard aginst my pussy, pulling another yelp from my lips as i quickly raise up on my toes to avoid the pain. then he's behind me, playing with my hair, i can't help but wonder what hes doing, I can feel him pulling it back, something cool brushing aginst my back each time he moves my hair... leather?
After several seconds the movements stop, followed quickly by a very loud yelp as he jerks my head cruelly backwards, forcing me to arch back in a distinctively painful position, my calves already starting to cramp as he begins cuffing my ancles to the legs of the pony before raising and jerking my arms behind my back, roping them wrist to elbow.
By this point i am already whimpering, pain rippling through my legs and back. before i know it, he's playing with my nipples, teasing them, bringing soft moans from me, my nipples hardening almost instantly to his touch, a loud startled squeel excaping me as the clamps bite harshly into my nipples, my chest suddenly being pulled upwards, forcing my back to arch further as he hooks the chain between the clamps to something high above my head.
Breathing fast and hard i can feel his hands gliding over me, teasing me, as i struggle to keep the horrible position, i know i am wet, i know he knows it as well, by this time i am trembling, my legs cramping and shaking as i try to keep my tender pussy up off the cruel sharp top of the wooden pony..... then the cloths pins come out...
Waking up after that i can't help but check my sheets *weg* wouldn't you?
Monday, 27 February 2012
Monday, 20 February 2012
What to do.
Alright, so, no one has really heard from me in the last couple of weeks... why? well remember the posts i made before about my father and some of the horrible things that I had to deal with when I was young? I just had to make the comment that bars dont keep you safe from some things didn't i? well he was released a few weeks ago... I am still not sure how the heck he managed it... how does someone whos suppose to be serving 2 life sentences with no chance of parol make parol? someone please, please explain this to me?
It has been a very long time since I have beleived that the monster under the bed wasn't real, and that he wasn't holding a grudge. but over the last few years I have settled down, relaxed a bit, made friends... it took me a very long time before I was able to do all that. the people who have hurt me have been gone for so long, never forgotten no, but gone from my life, unable to physically harm me, or my little boys.
It has taken me years to get myself both physically and mentally under control, to not jump at every shadow, to not cringe because someone went to pat me on the shoulder, to not run and hide because some guy on the street smiled in my direction... It took me so long, to get to the point I was at 2 weeks ago... how can things fall apart so quickly?
In the space of a couple of short days, all that safety, all that settling into my life and learning to trust and not be scared all the time is now gone. With the return, if not in person, of the main person that caused the damage I find myself feeling like the scared 13 year old who was moved into foster care. that scared little girl who wouldn't let anyone touch her, not even a hug, because she KNEW that a hug is never just a hug, that it wasn't really comfert, it was a means to an end. all those insecurities rushing back to haunt me all at once.
Friends, loved ones, people who are both new and old to me have told me over the last couple of weeks that i'll be alright, that it'll be ok, that the police will keep me safe, that he wouldn't really be stupid enough to come after me or the boys... why don't i belive that you might ask? why do I still feel the need to hide? because I learned a very long time ago that thinking your safe, thinking he isn't going to come after you, thinking you may just have a reprive is nothing more then wishful thinking.
will he find me... i have no doubt. I am frighteningly sure that he already has... will he show up... maybe... but that maybe is enough to open a huge pit of doubt, of insecurities, of fear and terror that i haven't felt in a very long time.
Shortly after we were removed from my fathers home, my brother recived a box.. the contents were enough to put every one of us children into protective custody. my father was arrested right off the bat, but made bail very quickly, our legal system is set up to keep people safe ... but not always the right people. It's there to protect everyones rights, unfortunately that means it protects his as well. So he made bail, and began looking for us... when Jason got that box, it was horrible, it had several "toys" in it that had been used on both him and us girls in the past, and something else thats to horrible to remember.
a few days ago I recived a box much the same. I had several people question me on why it is that I feel so absolutely positive that this box came from him, but one look inside was enough to tell me it had, that he was back, that he is coming for me. when? I don't know. where he would have gotten such horribly dreadful toys I am not certin, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that they came from him. no one else would know how to cause such instant terror, such vivid flash backs to times best forgotten.
I am hardly sleeping. my night terrors are back in full force keeping me and everyone else from getting the sleep they need, my youngest son I fear is picking up on my stress and fear no matter how hard I try to hide it and is hardly sleeping as well. both of my boys' behavior patters have shifted drastically and I don't know how to fix it. I have done everything i can to make my house safe... installed new locks, revamped my alarm system, changed all the codes, installed shatter proof windows, alerted the police who of course all think i am insane and over reacting dispite the multiple restraining orders...we live in a tiny town, where nothing truely bad ever really happens... so i must be over reacting, dramatising.... i have more loaded guns in my house then my 8 year old can count... and still i can honestly say... i am NOT over reacting.
i hardly sleep, i have hardly eatten, i am scared to put my boys in their own bed at night because i might not be able to get to them in time... my night terrors range from everything from waking to find him standing over my boys with blood pooling around their bodies, to waking up in a cold sweat, my heart racing wildly, my screams waking everyone as I desperately try to NOT remember.
few know true fear... true terror... most know that the scary monster under the bed is all in their head and can't really hurt them... but no amount of hiding under the blankets can chase my monsters away. he is real, he is here, and he is going to try and get me. but worse then that I fear that he is going to come after my boys as well... what can I do? how can I keep them safe?
I am not sure what to do anymore... some people understand the fear, the terror, they understand and belive what happen, some were around for it some were not. unfortunately, it seems like at this point I am not sure who belives me and who thinks I am completely off my rocker and who thinks I am simply dramatising everything and making it sound worse then it actually is.... but this isn't something you can make sound worse then it is... b ecause it isn't really something that could possibly GET much worse.
When he shows up, how will i react? will i react like the scared little girl that escaped his grasps? cower in a corner when he turns THAT look on me? or will I be able to step forward, let it be known at least to myself that i am not a scared child worried about what bones might crack this time and simply shoot the bastard? i don't know, I worry that it will be the first, but i hope to god it'll be the latter.
what do you do when your own personal boogy man escapes his cell and is coming after you. the boogy man whos been locked away for over 10 years and wants revenge on those who made sure the key turned in the lock behind him?
you hide. you run.
It has been a very long time since I have beleived that the monster under the bed wasn't real, and that he wasn't holding a grudge. but over the last few years I have settled down, relaxed a bit, made friends... it took me a very long time before I was able to do all that. the people who have hurt me have been gone for so long, never forgotten no, but gone from my life, unable to physically harm me, or my little boys.
It has taken me years to get myself both physically and mentally under control, to not jump at every shadow, to not cringe because someone went to pat me on the shoulder, to not run and hide because some guy on the street smiled in my direction... It took me so long, to get to the point I was at 2 weeks ago... how can things fall apart so quickly?
In the space of a couple of short days, all that safety, all that settling into my life and learning to trust and not be scared all the time is now gone. With the return, if not in person, of the main person that caused the damage I find myself feeling like the scared 13 year old who was moved into foster care. that scared little girl who wouldn't let anyone touch her, not even a hug, because she KNEW that a hug is never just a hug, that it wasn't really comfert, it was a means to an end. all those insecurities rushing back to haunt me all at once.
Friends, loved ones, people who are both new and old to me have told me over the last couple of weeks that i'll be alright, that it'll be ok, that the police will keep me safe, that he wouldn't really be stupid enough to come after me or the boys... why don't i belive that you might ask? why do I still feel the need to hide? because I learned a very long time ago that thinking your safe, thinking he isn't going to come after you, thinking you may just have a reprive is nothing more then wishful thinking.
will he find me... i have no doubt. I am frighteningly sure that he already has... will he show up... maybe... but that maybe is enough to open a huge pit of doubt, of insecurities, of fear and terror that i haven't felt in a very long time.
Shortly after we were removed from my fathers home, my brother recived a box.. the contents were enough to put every one of us children into protective custody. my father was arrested right off the bat, but made bail very quickly, our legal system is set up to keep people safe ... but not always the right people. It's there to protect everyones rights, unfortunately that means it protects his as well. So he made bail, and began looking for us... when Jason got that box, it was horrible, it had several "toys" in it that had been used on both him and us girls in the past, and something else thats to horrible to remember.
a few days ago I recived a box much the same. I had several people question me on why it is that I feel so absolutely positive that this box came from him, but one look inside was enough to tell me it had, that he was back, that he is coming for me. when? I don't know. where he would have gotten such horribly dreadful toys I am not certin, but I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that they came from him. no one else would know how to cause such instant terror, such vivid flash backs to times best forgotten.
I am hardly sleeping. my night terrors are back in full force keeping me and everyone else from getting the sleep they need, my youngest son I fear is picking up on my stress and fear no matter how hard I try to hide it and is hardly sleeping as well. both of my boys' behavior patters have shifted drastically and I don't know how to fix it. I have done everything i can to make my house safe... installed new locks, revamped my alarm system, changed all the codes, installed shatter proof windows, alerted the police who of course all think i am insane and over reacting dispite the multiple restraining orders...we live in a tiny town, where nothing truely bad ever really happens... so i must be over reacting, dramatising.... i have more loaded guns in my house then my 8 year old can count... and still i can honestly say... i am NOT over reacting.
i hardly sleep, i have hardly eatten, i am scared to put my boys in their own bed at night because i might not be able to get to them in time... my night terrors range from everything from waking to find him standing over my boys with blood pooling around their bodies, to waking up in a cold sweat, my heart racing wildly, my screams waking everyone as I desperately try to NOT remember.
few know true fear... true terror... most know that the scary monster under the bed is all in their head and can't really hurt them... but no amount of hiding under the blankets can chase my monsters away. he is real, he is here, and he is going to try and get me. but worse then that I fear that he is going to come after my boys as well... what can I do? how can I keep them safe?
I am not sure what to do anymore... some people understand the fear, the terror, they understand and belive what happen, some were around for it some were not. unfortunately, it seems like at this point I am not sure who belives me and who thinks I am completely off my rocker and who thinks I am simply dramatising everything and making it sound worse then it actually is.... but this isn't something you can make sound worse then it is... b ecause it isn't really something that could possibly GET much worse.
When he shows up, how will i react? will i react like the scared little girl that escaped his grasps? cower in a corner when he turns THAT look on me? or will I be able to step forward, let it be known at least to myself that i am not a scared child worried about what bones might crack this time and simply shoot the bastard? i don't know, I worry that it will be the first, but i hope to god it'll be the latter.
what do you do when your own personal boogy man escapes his cell and is coming after you. the boogy man whos been locked away for over 10 years and wants revenge on those who made sure the key turned in the lock behind him?
you hide. you run.
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Foxy Leathers Supplies Green and Black Rose and Thorns 9-tail Cat
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
This incrediblely beautiful leather flogger is just amazing, both lovely and extremely painful. It's a gorgeous 9-tail cat, crafted from the finest leathers, and features beautiful black rose tips.
Here are the details
- 100% patent leather handle (8 3/4" long sturdy handle, with a reinforced leather grip)
- strong leather strap (3 1/2" diameter) for your wrist & hanging
- 18 leather tails - 20" long - 8 ARE CAPPED WITH GORGEOUS BLACK ROSES
- Weight: about 14 ounces (very well balanced)
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Saturday, 4 February 2012
Foxy Leathers Supplies Snubhandle Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
This snubhandle flogger is a neat little toy. If I counted them right, there are 72 tails. Nice, but not too heavy (under 1 pound)! It's crafted from deer hide
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction
- polished grain leather handle (1 3/8" long)
- strong leather strap (3 1/2" diameter) for your wrist & hanging
- tails are soft, suede leather (about 3/8" wide)
- length of tails/falls: about 21"
- perfect for FLORENTINE use, but you'll need to BUY 2!
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leathers Supplies Deer Hide Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
Pretty blue black and purple flogger, This one has a very UNIQUE BLUE COLOR! It's crafted from deer hide, and is a wonderful item. Here is the unusual part: the handle is patent leather, but the tails are soft suede and is very thuddy!
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction
- strong leather strap (3 1/2" diameter) for your wrist & hanging
- 8 3/4" long sturdy handle, with a reinforced leather grip
- 21" leather tails - 36 of them! Each is 3/8" wide
- tails are soft, suede leather
- handle is patent leather
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leathers Supplies Bull Hide Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
Incredible leather viper flogger. It's crafted from the finest bullhide, and is a wonderful item and accessory.
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction (patent leather!)
- 3 tightly braided tails (21"), with 3 double pointed vipers
- strong leather strap for your wrist & hanging
- 10" long handle, with a reinforced leather grip
- overall length is about 31" (not including the wrist strap)
- lightweight design
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leather Supplies Long Leather Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
LONG LEATHER FLOGGER. This leather flogger has an overall weight of about 1 pound, 11 ounces, is brand new, is made from heavy leather (no suede on this one), and is as follows:
- 36 thuddy solid 3/8" wide tails of thick rich cow skin leather
- The handle is 9 1/4" long.
- Small tight herringbone braid, woven nice and straight.
- Excellent aim and control.
- The tails are 35" long, making the over all length of this flogger over 44"
- Braided wrist strap for added control/stability and for handy storage
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leathers Supplies Purple and Black Elk Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
This is one of my favs!! It's crafted from the Elk, and is wonderfully thuddy. the handle is polished leather, but the tails are soft suede!
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction
- strong leather strap (3 1/2" diameter) for your wrist & hanging
- 8 3/4" long sturdy handle, with a reinforced leather grip
- 21" leather tails - 36 of them! Each is 3/8" wide
- tails are soft, suede leather
- handle is patent leather
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leathers Supplies Elk Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
This is clearly one of the most gorgeous flogger I've ever made! It's crafted from elk, and is a wonderful item and accessory.
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction
- strong leather strap (3 1/2" diameter) for your wrist & hanging
- 8 1/4" long sturdy handle, with a reinforced leather grip
- 20" leather tails - 36 of them! Each is 3/8" wide
- tails are soft, suede leather
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leathers Supplies Light Cow Hide Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
Made from cow hide this flogger is light and stingy, and is a wonderful item and accessory.
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction (soft suede!)
- 36 slim tails (21" long)
- strong leather strap for your wrist & hanging
- 9" long handle, with a reinforced leather grip
- overall length is about 30" (not including the wrist strap)
- lightweight design
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Foxy Leathers Supplies Wood Burning
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
I often wood burn designs for people on the wooden furniture that I make. Here are some examples of my wood burning.
Darrel helped with some of this project - and he often works on Foxy Leathers Supplies wood burning projects alongside me.
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
Foxy Leathers Supplies Metal Handle Bull Hide Flogger
Did I mention that I make custom BDSM toys and furniture?
Here are the details:
This Metal handle flogger is made from heavy bullhide, There are 24 leather tails, so it's nice and heavy! Perfect for the larger male who can handle some weight behind his swing.
Here are the details:
- 100% leather construction
- 7" long metal handle
- 20 1/2" long leather tails - 24 of them! Each is 3/8" wide
- overall length: 27 1/2"
If you would like something made just send me an email ;)
You are welcome to use these images on your website - just please include a link back to my blog. If you need help to create the link just ask. It would be wonderful if you let me know. :)
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